I’ve been thinking a lot about this stupid drama that’s overtaken the school. I think I’m going to write a letter!!!!

Footprints

I’ve been thinking alot lately about what Dunant said. We talked last night about a lot of things. Kind of had a heart to heart. Hahaha. It was strange, yet very comforting to know that he’s still here for me after all these years.  I’ve never been much of a good friend to anybody.  I’ve lost too many to count, and I’ve never had the courage to make new friends.  It’s my senior year, and it seems too hard to make good friends with the people around me.  Everyone is in their own little clique.  But they’re all a good bunch of friends.  I was telling Dunant how I hung out with a whole bunch of different groups before.  I always tried to fit in and be someone who had friends who had my back.  I guess it never worked out that way.  Ironically I think I’ve had more friends turn on me than try to be my friend.

I started thinking how I ended up being so lonely, without having a best friend.  The last time I had true best friends were in fifth grade.  Cecilia Dieu and Emily Iseda.  I met Cece first.  I rememeber that clearly.  She was a really pretty girl and that always made me want to be her friend.  Fifth grade had to be the best year of my life.  I was still a little girl, and everything was so carefree, so real and true.  Time messes people up.  After they left I wandered here and there, hanging out with different people all the time.  I didn’t have a secure friendship with anybody.  Which is funny.  I think it’s so funny when people think I’m popular. Haha. It really cracks me up.  I was never one to want to be popular.  I didn’t ask for it.  I don’t know how people are drawn to me, or why it really matters to know me.  I just wish that I had someone close to me.  Someone to talk to and go to all the time.  But I was always pretty occupied anyway. 

I had three seperate families that I spent time with everyday.  I had my own family, tae kwan doe, and Chinese school.  To be honest, Janson and Muscatel never meant much to me.  That’s probably mostly my fault though.  I was always so busy that I never had the opportunity to have a best friend.  Someone that I could talk to about all my problems and just spend time with for everything, anything, and nothing.  I remember being close to our yearbook group.  In fifth grade, I remember mostly Dunant Hin, Cecilia Dieu, Emily Iseda, Darren Ha, Steven Lee, Travis Ly, and Gary Marquez.  During sixth grade, there were a lot of different people.  Dunant Hin, Steven Lee, Kevin Pol, Joey Huynh; I hung out with Stefano Bruno and Andrea Rodriguez, and Vincent Truong at one point.  In seventh grade, I hung out with Lillian Choi a lot.  I think I got closer to Angeline Sun, Betty Wong, and Karen Chu.  We were almost inseperable.  Then for most of eighth grade, there was Darren Ha, Cindy Truong, Melanie Pulido, Lily Chang, Ignacio Diaz, and Wilson Luu.  I hung out with Katherine Kwan and that group for a bit, too.  Since Lily and I went to chinese school together, we got a little closer.  But at Chinese school, she had Ka-Lil-Co-Ris.  And I ended up befriending most of the older kids.  The employees who were my supposed teachers, not friends.  I realized I had more friends that were either a lot younger than me, or a lot older than me. Hahaa. Which kind of sucks.

Chinese school has always been home to me.  I loved them like a family and enjoyed going everyday.  I remember I used to be jealous of all my friends who got to hang out after school and walk home together and hang out with each other while I had to go to dumb chinese school.  But I realized that’s where I was most comfortable.  I mean, I stayed there up until my sophomore year because of Banners.  And I loved Tae Kwan Doe with all my heart.  I miss all of them.  Well, the ones that I hung out with at least.  Henry Taing, David Ung, Patrick Bautista, Jessica, Ryan and his brother, Scott Chow, Matthew Tulaphorn, the girls Paulina, Snow, Connie, then there was Calvin, Christina.  -_- There are too many to remember.. Heh.  I miss it a lot.  Sometimes I still have the urge to kick around, but then I can’t because that’d be illegal. Hahahaha. Gosh, I miss it.  I miss chinese school, too. But all the old staff left.  I miss them.

Anyway, I honestly feel that without Banners, I don’t think I would have any friends at all.  I hung out with David Ly, Ricky Lau, Darwin Wu, and Danny Guan for a long long time.  But then, haha.  Let’s just say things didn’t turn out right.  You would have never guessed it either.  It was just last year that we were super close and everything.  But then I realized, that even though I called them my best friends, the only person I ever talked to was Ricky.  Betty and I kind of opened up to each other a little more this year.  Emily and I were very close last years.  I guess things just got between us.  Things I’d rather not say.  I still think she’s a great person though.  Beautiful and extremely talented. Haha.  So I guess, that’s how I concluded this year that my best friend was Tiff.  The one and only. Hahaha.

And yeah, she’s my sister.  But I love her. And I admire her. And most times, she’s my role model. Hahaha. Funny right? She’s younger than me but I feel like she’s so much better than me in so many different ways.  One of them being that she’s ten times prettier than I am.  Can’t blame her.  She got all the good genes from my parents. Hahaa.  She makes me laugh, she makes me cry, she gets me reallly reallly REALLY mad, but I love her.  She’s one of the coolest people I know.  And I hate that I didn’t ever get the chance to be a good sister to her till this year.  She’s going to make me miss home the most.  That and my Mom’s food. LOL. Big surprise right? LOL.

This year, I got a lot closer to a few people, but I did hang out with a lot of people. Hahaha.  Gosh, I really am a taxi driver.  Because of my spectacular driving skills, I have a few regular customers.  In the fall, there were:  Nhan Tran, Andrew Gip, Emily Iseda, Betty Wong, and Sylvain Ung.  And now in the spring, I drive so many more people:  Victoria Tao, Joyce Luong, Alejandra Espinosa, Tony Yang, Peter Lam, Sylvain Ung, Jacquelyn Choung, Carolyn Chuong.  Hahahaha. If I had to charge  five cents for every single ride I gave to someone, I’d have myslef a good 50  dollars. Hahahaha.  But I love them all.  And I’m glad to have the time to spend with them.  And I’m glad that we can go on our adventures and hang out with each other just to laugh and smile and take a billion pictures.  (:  I can’t complain about driving because I always have fun with them.

Hansen made me feel better.  Hahaha. He’s so extremely sweet to me that it’s really a wonder.  I adore him. (:  I’m lucky to have him in my life.  So gosh darn lucky.  He’s made the past few months so much fun for me. It’s a wonder that he hasn’t gotten tired of me, or bored of me.   Hahaha.  And because of him, I got closer to the Sevens.

I remember, in fifth grade, for our yearbook quote, I put: “Friends will come and go, but only true friends will leave footprints in your yeart.”  At that time, friends were more important to me than anything, more than my own family.  But I wasn’t myself.  I was trying to fit in everywhere, and I was always so busy.  Even now, I’m pretty busy.  But I’m true to myself and I am extremely happy with both my family, school, and friends.  I haven’t cried at any of my graduations.  But I think I will this year.  I’m going to be extremely sad to leave because everyday is a new day with Banners and Hansen and Sevens.  That’s something I don’t want to give up. 

Dunant Hin, Thank You. 
You’re someone I can truly say that has left footprints in my heart. (:

Spoiled Rotten

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day.  Me and Hansen promised each other not to get each other anything.  (:  And just in case, I told him tht I didn’t like roses. Which by the way, I got a cut from the Valentine’s Gram that he got me. Hahahah.  I hate roses cuz of their thorns.  It’s funny because people asked me, “So what did you do for Valentine’s Day!?!? Did Hansen spoil you!!??” And I just answer that I had a great day. (: And I did!

I got up in the morning too lazy to get breakfast for everybody.  My Mom left to go to work and my Dad was sleeping in as usual.  Brandon and Peter, who slept over, was already awake and Penny pounced all over my face to wake me up.  Talk about a rude awakening. Hahah.  My webcam was still on and I woke up to see Tony instead of Hansen. LOL. That was a little weird.  But it’s because Hansen was playing Rockband.  Hahah.  (Hansen and I webcam at night and fall asleep together and then watch each other wake up. Hahahah.)  So anyway, Hansen came over with everyone’s breakfast!  Burger King. [:  And after that, I guess all the boys played basketball. Hahaha. I don’t know why boys like playing ball so much but whatever.  Haha. I’m not complaining.  I love it when Hansen plays ball with my siblings.  (: And Brandon loves it, too. So I’m glad. Haha.  Then we all went into Hansen’s car and went on a mission to Joanna’s house.  I kept capping on how he wasn’t well prepared with his attire.  You don’t wear a girl on your shirt on Valentine’s day to see a girl unless its her! Lol!  Joanna liked it though.  I’m happy for Tony. (:  Then we went to Target to develop pictures, and to print our Cues pictures. (:  Hahah.  Then we came back and I cut up the pictures as the boys yet again played ball.  And then everyone got thirsty. Hahaha.  So Hansen and I went on a boba run. (: 

He’s always so sweet to me.  Opening the door for me to get into the car and stuff.  (He wouldn’t let me drive because he doesn’t think I need to drive anywhere.) Holding my stuff for me after we buy things.  We got yogurt for Brandon and Peter and when we made our stop at Mr. Baguette’s to get my Dad’s coffee, Hansen turned his a/c on super high to stop the yogurt from melting too fast. (:  Hahaha.  And when we walk places, he holds my hand without me having to reach towards his..

It’s things like these that make me happy.  Things like these that make me feel like I’m the luckiest girl in the world.  (:  Valentine’s Day is a great day and all, but it doesn’t mean that I have to be bought a boquet of flowers with a dozen heart shaped balloons and a box of chocolates.  As long as I get to spend it with the person that I feel most happy with, then I can say that I had a great Valentine’s Day.  All I wanted to do was spend time with him.  (: And I got more than that.  He doesn’t do those things for me just on Valentine’s Day, I get spoiled by Hansen on a daily basis.  He’s always going out of his way for me to do things for me to make my life easier.  I still wonder why he does the things that he does.  But when I think about why I do things for him, it’s because I want to, not because I have to.

“Babe, I don’t have to do anything for you.  I want to do things for you.”
And because of this, I’m lucky to have a Valentine like Hansen.
I’m lucky to have a boyfriend like Hansen.
I’m lucky that Hansen likes me..

Sevens/Ten

Our Sevens group has now been upgraded to ten. Lol. But I love them. It’s cool how we’re all connected. (:  Hahaha. We’ve got the Banner Babes/Stud, Colorguard, JV Cheer, Tennis, ex-ASB, AP Calculus, AP English, A Cappella, Taxi Drivers, Me-Tiff, Hansen-Joyce, Jack-Carol, SAGATHS, FBLA, Seniors, Juniors, Sophomores, Freshman. The list goes on.  But I adore Hansen and I’m related to Tiff and he’s related to Joyce whose close friends with Ale and Vicky, who are all in Guard, and Jack who’s close with Sylvain and they’re both in Banners.  And Tony, well, Tony’s Peter’s brother, who is Brandon’s best friend, and Michael is related to Brandon and Michael likes Jeanette who’s related to Joanna which is the person Tony has a crush on.  (: Everything’s connected. It’s so much fun! Lol! (:  I really love hanging out with these kids. (: I’m really going to cry when I graduate. I know it’s far from now, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s coming soo fast and we just don’t realize it.  I love them. More than they know. (:  We spend way too much moneys. Hahahaha. It’s late.   Goodnight babes/sisters/brothers/Babe. (: Happy Valentine’s Day!

Can’t help but laugh at how cute they are.

Falling Faster

(: I <3 Hansen Luong.

Man was yesterday a long day.
I cried it out last night, first time to cry since.. Gosh, November? I thought about a lot of things on the way back from Riverside. But I don’t really know if I have the time to list everything. Thank you to Hansen, Sylvain, Darwin, and Penny for making me feel better though. (:

So much as been on my mind lately, and I think I’ve forgotten to do a lot of things that I normally would do. It’s funny though because I’ve done all of my homework, just haven’t gone around to taking care of things I wanted to. I was supposed to take my Uncle out today, go to Costco, finish doing my homework, clean up my room, finish the laundry, go to the library, start on my research paper, ugh, the list is endless. But my parents want to go to the temple today, which throws everything off..

I’m craving a thai tea with boba right now. I think, that makes me feel better than a lot of things. :X Hahahaha. Silly right? (:

Yupp, I knew I would run out of time. My Mom’s nagging again. As usual. What else is new? Even if I sleep, I have to wake up even if I was really tired the day before. Sigh. I want to jump in my car and drive as fast as I can to wherever there’s nothing to bother me..

Going to bed mad.

Ughh!!!! I don’t get it. ): Why am I so annoyed by everything right now?! I just took a shower and I thought that would help me out but it didn’t. I’m starting to think that my theory of getting all the worst traits from my parents is right! My Mom always bottles everything up and then blows up at the last possible second, my Dad on the other hand just gets grouchy and vents on everything within a five mile radius. A+B=C; C being me holding all these emotions in and then venting one day by being grouchy.

I haven’t cried in a while, but this is one of those moments again. I cry to let out the steam, or I bitch about it, like so. Hahaha. I usually cry in the shower, but eh, I already showered, so that doesn’t help. Oh well, crying to sleep helps a billion, then I end up sleeping like a baby. (: It’s 11, I’d usually stay awake. Babe didn’t finish his homework, but I’d rather not stay up.

Vicky asks if there’s anything she can do to help. Hansen asked what’s wrong. Hahahaa. All the wrong questions to ask. But thank you for caring. (:

I know better.

I’m supposed to be doing homework. Which I am, but then I got stuck, so I don’t feel like continuing.  For some reason,  I have this empty feeling in me.  I get this once in a while. I think it’s when I stop believing in myself. Or something happened this day that drew me back. Haha, like I’m off the soma. Hahaha.  But then again, I had my boba today, so there should be no excuses.  I guess I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.

To quickly recap on Saturday,

We kicked ass on Saturday’s competition at West Covina!  And even though we only competed against two other teams, one of which were disqualified, all that really mattered to me was the score that we got, not what place we placed.  We got a score of 83.27, which includes a penalty of 0.4 because our music was over four seconds.  To my surprise, the team did really well.   I don’t know what did it, the fact that there was an actual audience for them to perform for, that we were being judged, that we were in uniform, or because I mentally prepared them, I didn’t know what really made them look that good.  It’s not that I don’t believe in our team, I definitely do!  I was jus preparing for the worst of the worst.  I wanted this competition solely for the purpose of a first experience for all the team members.  But I’m glad that we did so well.  It really hyped me up to get the two extra points needed in order to compete in Nationals Champions division. (: Nosotros podemos!! 

It was great that everyone was congratulating us.  But I had different opinions.  Tina Trang was the first to say that it was all me.  And I thought about it, was it all me?  I mean, I did come up with the routine, with a little help here and there from mainly Lizeth and Tiffany, but I refuse to take credit for the entire win.  The three judges all agreed that the routine was very well choreographed, and I was really happy to hear that.  But it’s not just the choreography that makes a great performance, (for those of you who have read my past blogs, you’ll know what I’m talking about.)  This team, the 10 of us, put this routine together.  And even though we all have different arm lengths, heights, weights, weaknesses, and strengths, we pulled it off. Hahaha. This is the most diverse team I’ve ever seen.  We’ve got really tall people and then really short people.  And we’ve got both girls and a boy. (;  And we’ve got asians and hispanics.  Hahahaa.  All shapes, faces, colors, and sizes. Hahaha.  Betty always says that I should do a “one-man show.”  But honestly, I’m honored to hear that some of the girls/boy think so highly of me when I perform, but it’s a group effort. And it was a team victory. (:

So back to the unhappy empty feeling, which I still have no idea is about, ugh.  I was over at Hansen’s today.  And we weren’t doing anything unusual, you swear..  Watched TV, drank some boba, (which I was really surprised by!! Thanks babe! (: ), and then all of a sudden his Mom calls.  She usually comes at 5, or after, but I’m usually out of the house by then, I’ve got practice at 5.  For whatever reason, she shows up 10 minutes earlier than anticipated, and I was still inside the house.  I started to panic. 

Hansen said he never wants me to meet his Mom. Hahahaha. He’s scared that we’ll never be able to really have a relationship because of her.  And for those of you who aren’t aware, Hansen’s Mom is like my Dad, except, well, my Dad doesn’t even try to play off being nice.  And you would think that I would only panic if I did something, but we didnt’ do anything, but being in the house alone with Hansen was enough to raise suspicion, no matter what we say. (According to my Dad, it’s a big no-no because girls have to have pride. Yada yada.)  I stayed in his room, started using the computer, drank my boba, and I guess when she came in he told her that I was over, and she said something, but I didn’t really pay attention.  All I know was that I was getting him in trouble.  And I hate that feeling.  That’s the last thing I want to do to Hansen, especially after the Steven Richardson episode. 

Hansen said it was fine, but I knew it wasn’t. I know parents better than that.  Then Hansen said something that hurt me.  Haha, and although we talked about it, I still feel that stupid feeling.  Which is probably this feeling.  Hmm.  I’m such a drama queen. I need to get over things when they’re finished being dealt with.. I trust him.

On a lighter note, Penny needs to stop peeing when we come visit her afterschool. It’s getting annoying to clean up her pee and have to run away from her so that she doesn’t pee on me or Hansen.

I know better than to leave my emotions unsaid.

Familia

I’m sleepy and tired but I really don’t feel  like sleeping. Heh. Habit I guess to sleep at at least 12 or 1.  I was over at  my Aunt’s today.  She’s pregnant! I was so excited for her! Hahaha. She couldn’t believe it herself but she swears she’s been eating a lot and she’s been getting fat. Hahahha. She took 4 pregnancy tests, or maybe more, to make sure she was really pregnant.  And then Hansen was over at his grandparent’s hanging out with his cousins and it made me realize more and more how much I want to be a mom..

Whenever I think about my future, I don’t think about what I want to do, how much money I want to make or what to really make out of myself.  I know I have to go to college, I know I have to pursue a great outstanding career for myself and for my Mom to brag to the world, but I honestly don’t think much of it.  Whatever comes to me can come to me, I’ll get through it somehow.  What I do know is that when I think of my future, the only thing that I really want to be or do is to be a mother..

I’ve had this recurring dream that I’m a mother of three and I’m taking pictures with them and laughing with them and eventually I see them grow and graduate and move out and have their own kids. Then at the end of the dream I’m taking care of my beautiful grandchildren.  It always happens pretty much the same way.  And I think, that’s the best feeling I could ever have, to have a beautiful healthy family.

My parents are always here for me. I know that. But I guess, they’re not here in the way I wish they were.  They definitely are here for me when it really comes down to needing them.  I can’t survive without them.  They’re my financial and economic back bone.  Not to mention domestic as well.  I wouldn’t have a home without them.  But my parents work all day.  All day, everyday.    Before my parent’s company was big, they used to be home.  Both of them.  My Dad would hang out with us, teach us things, be around to just be there with us.  But the business got bigger and busier and then I guess he just never had the time to be around.  And lately, ever since I got the car, I’ve pretty much taken care of Tiff, Michael, and Brandon all the time.  I hardly see my parents anymore, and we’re always eating dinner with just the four of us..

I guess, the reason why I want to have kids and have a family is so that I can always be there for my children.  To take a billion pictures of them and teach them how to be a good person.  To tell them all my stories and watch them grow and eperience life themselves.  To watch their games or their plays, to laugh with them and yell at them and play with them and cry with them.  Maybe it’s just a fantasy to have that type of family; the ones you only commonly see on the big screen.  I can’t help but think that way though.  I know it’s not easy.  I definitely don’t imply that I would like one now, but in the future, when I’m financially and emotionally stable, I think I’d really want to have that.

I think I’m rambling. Hahaha. But for the record, I’d like 3 children max.  2 kids is a must.  I wouldn’t wish for a boy or a girl, but for my kids to be beautiful and smart and healthy. (:

Our latest Family Picture 122709

And I love guys that are good with kids. :X